Learning to listen to your body’s YES and NO.

The homecoming…

Want to know the secret to setting better boundaries? It starts with your body.

Most of us are completely disconnected from what our bodies are trying to tell us. And there's a reason for that.

Why We're Disconnected

Through trauma—whether that's big-T trauma or the smaller, chronic patterns we learned in childhood—many of us learned to dissociate from our bodies. We had to shut down our own needs because they weren't met with support and nurturing. They were met with punishment, dismissal, or being told we were "too much."

So we learned to override what we felt. We learned to put other people's needs first by disconnecting from our own. It was a survival strategy—and it worked. But now? It's keeping us stuck.

When you're disconnected from your body, you can't tell what's a genuine yes and what's a people-pleasing yes. You can't tell when something feels wrong because you've turned off the alarm system.

Reconnecting With Your Body's Wisdom

Here's the thing: your body knows. It knows what's a yes and what's a no. It knows what feels safe and what doesn't. You just need to learn its language again.

For me, a "no" feels like a tightening in my solar plexus. My body pulls back slightly, almost like it's bracing. A "yes"? My body softens. I lean in. There's an opening, a sense of expansion.

I'm a splenic projector in Human Design, which means I get very clear, immediate body responses—a full physical "hell yes" or "absolutely not." But even if you're not wired that way, your body is still communicating with you. You just need to learn to listen.

The Standing Exercise

If you've been disconnected from your body for a long time, this might take practice. Here's a gentle exercise to help you start tuning in. I recommend grounding first - if you need a hand, try my free grounding meditation on a nearby blog post.

Stand somewhere quiet where you won't be disturbed. Plant your feet hip-width apart. Feel yourself rooted, like a tree—legs strong, arms relaxed, body at ease. There should be very minimal movement in your body. (If standing is not for you, try sitting with your back not supported so it can move slightly to the left, right, front or back. If you require further examples that support all physical abilities, please send me a message and I’ll gladly share.)

Keep your eyes soft and unfocused. Ensure your body is still and not moving much. 

Then ask your body: "Show me what a yes feels like."

Wait. Don't force anything. Just notice. Your body might gently sway forward. It might lean slightly to one side. You might feel a gentle opening in your chest or a softening in your belly.

Ask your body to return to neutral. 

Then ask: "Show me what a no feels like."

Again, wait. Your body might lean back. It might pull inward. You might feel tension or a closing off.

Ask your body to return to neutral. 

This is a subtle practice. You're not trying to fall over or spin in circles. You're learning to feel the tiny, gentle cues your body is already giving you.

Thank your body for communicating with you.

Once you get a sense of your body's yes and no, you can test it. Ask simple questions: "Body, is my name ____ (fill in the blank with your name)?" or "Body, is my name Donald Duck?" Notice how your body responds - it should be aligned with the yes and no responses you practiced above. If you are getting some unusual responses, try the free grounding meditation first. We need to be present and grounded to do this exercise well.

Using This in Real Life

Once you start recognising your body's signals, you can use them for boundary decisions.

When someone asks you to do something, instead of immediately saying yes (because you think you should), give yourself space. Say, "Let me think about it and get back to you."

Then take a moment—step away, close your eyes, drop into your body. Ask: "How does this feel? Do I actually want to do this, or am I justifying it because it would make me look like a good person?"

Notice what your body says. Does it expand or contract? Does it lean in or pull back?

This practice of pausing, checking in with your body, and then responding (instead of reacting) is one way to begin to build sustainable boundaries. It's how you start honouring yourself.

The Path Back to Yourself

Reconnecting with your body isn't just about setting boundaries—it's about coming home to yourself. It's about rebuilding trust with the part of you that's been trying to protect you all along.

Start with the standing exercise. Practice asking your body simple questions. Get curious about what yes and no feel like for you.

And as you do, you'll start to notice something shift. You'll feel more grounded. More clear. More able to say yes when you mean yes—and no when you mean no.

Your body has been waiting for you to listen. It's time to tune back in.